


Drunk and Not Paid Enough

by KieranIcarus



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Implied Obi-Wan Kenobi/Clone Troopers, M/M, Mentioned Obi-Wan Kenobi/CC-2224 | Cody, Multi, Um fanfic of better fanfic?, nothing but nonesense prose and dialouge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:08:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27130918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KieranIcarus/pseuds/KieranIcarus
Summary: “Oh so that’s what this is about," she knew he hadn’t come here just to catch up, the workaholic ass “the literal army of men you surround yourself with, that you can’t hit on for ethical reasons.”“I told you about that in confidence!”A pining fool and a long-suffering friend.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 289





	Drunk and Not Paid Enough

**Author's Note:**

  * For [biscuitlevitation](https://archiveofourown.org/users/biscuitlevitation/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Naked and Not Paid](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24194902) by [biscuitlevitation](https://archiveofourown.org/users/biscuitlevitation/pseuds/biscuitlevitation). 



> PLEASE keep in mind that I'm not an author or a writer in any way. This is boring nonesense I wrote because Naked and Not Paid is an amazing fic that I kept thinking about. Did I do any research on anything for this? No. Do I know how bars or bartending or leave time or military regs really work? No. Did I edit this in any real coherent way after jamming it out at 1am? Absolutly not! Don't take anything here seriously. Except Nahrvi because I guess I love her now.

The off-duty jedi (as much as a jedi can ever _ be _ off-duty, he acknowledged ruefully) walked through the doorway of his favorite fine establishment on Corellia for the first time in a standard year. The half bar/half club belonged to an older Twi’lek couple with whom he was only vaguely acquainted, but their head bartender and manager for the past decade was a good friend. Obi-Wan brushed through the weaving crowd, not being bothered by the occasional overly friendly hands or lingering gazes from the locals with long practice and no small amount of amusement. A tall Noorian woman, with dark skin, hardly a shade lighter than her short black hair, and warm orange striped eyes glanced his way, before doing a slight double take and grinning widely, flashing bright white teeth.

“Ben! Long time no see, it’s about time you drop by” Nahrvi greeted him, deep voice carrying without booming as he claimed a  _ conveniently _ free corner stool in her section.

Obi-Wan smiled back, more honestly than he did to most of the many (many many) people he often smiled at, outside of fellow jedi and ‘troopers; they had met in a rundown laundromat when he was a 20 year old senior padawan with a horrible hangover after a mission with Quinlan Vos of all people, and she was a struggling single mother with a new job on a new planet; no amount of war, personal drama, or ‘Force osik’ was likely to sever the easy going friendship they shared. Something that was more of a comfort than ever lately. “I don’t know what you mean, my dear, It’s only been a few months since I spoke with you.”

“That fly by disaster while you were on some mysterious mission in the northern district doesn’t count as a kriffing visit, Ben, and you know it” She raised a pierced eyebrow in his direction disapprovingly, but she was pouring him a glass of brandy from a recognizable bottle he loved and oft longed for, so Obi-Wan assumed he was forgiven for not doing more than comming a quick hello the last time he was in the system. (It had been a bit of a disaster of a mission, to be fair; a Separtist spy running for mayor of Coronet City and Anakin trying to teach Ahsoka how to be subtle while undercover, something the young knight himself had no great skill in) “But you’re here now, when last the holonet said there was that clusterfuck on the other side of the galaxy you were dealing with, so what can I do for my favorite Hero of the Republic?” she settled across the bar from him, cleaning a few glasses but otherwise clearly taking a break from serving the crowd. 

The bar’s low lighting flashed across her face, and his, casting the room in bright flashes that proved to be the exception to the rule of shadowy corners and being unable to see more than an arm's length in front of yourself clearly. Obi-Wan lifted the tumbler of honey-gold liqueur in his hand, taking a long sip as he leaned sideways against the glossy counter and crossed his legs, looking at the nearly writhing dance floor as he answered. “You can please never attempt to say that with a straight face again, if you wouldn’t mind” he said while trying to sneer around a small smile. Nahrvi snickered at him, not at all sympathetic, the witch “The 212th is shipping out with the 501st in a few days, it was agreed that taking leave to decompress while we wait for them was more convenient than beating them to our location by too long” He rolled his eyes “though if you could not spread around that vital information, my dear”

“Oh I’ll be rushing to the nearest bounty hunter to sell you out the moment you leave Kenobi, you know me” she deadpanned back at him. He would never normally say anything about GAR plans or strategy to a civilian of course, but Nahrvi was nearly at Dex’s level of information mongering; if she wanted to harm the Republic, this fairly innocuous bit isn’t what they’d have to worry about. “So you’re bothering me for the next couple days? Or just tonight?”

He gave the question a bit of thought before answering, finishing his first drink of the night in the meantime, “Until sometime tomorrow, I believe; I told the men I was meeting a friend, and they can comm me in the eventuality that I’m needed, but they want time away from their General, I’m sure. Still, I should be available onboard the Negotiator later, I don’t want anyone to get in trouble on Corellia and me not hear about it” He pushed his glass over towards the bottle again, smiling as pleadingly as he could manage. Which was very, actually, he did know what people said about his ‘puppy eyes’ even if he’d deny that if pressed. Nahrvi gave him a Look as he made short work of the second glass of brandy “Are we commiserating over something tonight Ben? Far be it from me to tell you not to embarrass yourself where I can watch, but you’ve only been here ten minutes.”

“If it only took a few glasses of brandy for me to embarrass myself, I daresay I’d deserve it” He replied archly, before chuckling at himself “and ‘commiserating’ isn’t quite the word I’d use, but…” He gave a smile that was almost more of a wince.

She rolled her eyes at her dear, dear friend, whom she cared about quite a lot, and who should not make her fantasize about bashing her head against a wall. “Did your kid do something stupid again? Or did you? Because one of those things deserves drinking about but the other could use more than a pity party” the galaxies many gods knew Ben did enough stupid shit when he wasn’t looking after anyone younger and stupider than himself, but his kid seemed to be constantly trying his best to beat his all Masters records in the dumbest ways Nahrvi could imagine.

“Excuse you” Obi-Wan pulled the bottle towards himself, so he could pour his own refill, Nahrvi let him, which probably meant she was always going to give the whole thing to him, bless her, “Anakin hasn’t done anything stupid that he hadn’t before” The Hero with No Fear and Senator Amidala was such a poorly kept secret that the bad holodramas based on the war were incorporating it into their plot so that hardly said much “and I resent the implication that I’d come and get drunk as a first response if had made a mistake.”

A 20 something Nautolan with bright purple skin who had been laughing moments before and was just catching their breath came up to the bar a seat over from Obi-Wan, smiling softly and obviously more than a bit tipsy already, they glanced his way when they noticed him and their grin widened, showing a row of sharp teeth and a set of dimples framing them sweetly. He raised an eyebrow while slowly smiling himself, but they just blushed faintly, meeting his eyes for only a moment before glancing away and ordering a tray of drinks from Nahrvi and leaving with it, rejoining a table of a few others who he could hear laughing as their friend sat down again. Nahrvi tapped the counter with her hard nails “Dwila” she said when he looked back at her “They come with friends from the medical univeristy sometimes, you’d break their poor fragile heart, you big flirt, even if they’d probably thank you for it.”

“I have no idea what you mean” he smiled beatifically at her “and I hardly go about breaking people's hearts, you know that” he continued a tad bit more seriously, barely “If anything, in fact, you should be worried about mine!” he finished his third drink as he whined in as dignified a manner it was possible to whine. 

“Oh so that’s what this is about” they had gotten to the truth of the matter, she knew he hadn’t come here just to catch up, the workaholic ass “the literal army of men you surround yourself with, that you can’t hit on for ethical reasons” Far be it from Nahrvi to judge anyone as long as everyone was a consenting adult of their respective species, but Correllian hells, talk about having a type. And voracious appetite, since war broke out and they kept in touch it had been a long list of members of the GAR that she’d heard Ben try to speak casually about and fail to sound like anything but a lovesick teenager, starting with his intrepid (and if Ben was to be believed, absolutely gorgeous) commander.

“I told you about that in confidence!” His spine straightened like a tooka with its tail stepped on, and he sourly poured a fuller glass than before as he glared at her.

She laughed out loud, “You told me that while drunk and pining! Which is obviously where we’re heading tonight!” her laugh devolved into giggles she hated the sound of, and she tried to straighten herself out by serving a few patrons while letting Ben grumble under his breath about ‘rude friends’ and men who ‘could just  _ do something _ already.’

It didn’t take her long to make her way back, eager for gossip and to laugh at him, it wasn’t hard to get him started “I had, until recently, been under the impression that the vod’e were rather, body shy?” His statement more of a question as he tried to fit phrase to thoughts “and it turns out that they in turn, thought that I was, considering how they’d always seen me dressed” he waved a hand over himself.

Nahrvi shrugged “That’s fair, if weird to think about, I haven’t seen you in a pair of those ridiculous synth-leather pants in ages, but  _ prudish  _ isn’t exactly how I’d describe you” she said drily.

“Mmhm” he agreed, smirking “it led to a bit of an awkward conversation after an unfortunate, or perhaps rather fortunate, altercation involving a ripped shirt on the sparring mats” Obi-Wan was blushing more than a bit, but cleared his throat to push past it “Commander Cody was quite… clear, that it was just a misunderstanding, and we all know eachother better for it. But ever since things have, well, not escalated, or I wouldn’t be alone here, I’m sure.” He paused to gather his thoughts before starting again, recanting the whole of an absurd state of events.

“My shower malfunctioned recently and the attempt to fix it only made things much worse, bless Careless, and I’ve been showing the men some forms of self-defence and martial combat that jedi usually only teach each other, hence the sparring, which they’ve really taken to!” He smiled, momentarily distracting himself with his pride “so between the frequent time spent in the gym, and public showers and the… greater understanding, I’ve reached with the vod’e” he trailed off, drinking deeply before continuing “They’re really not subtle, Nahrvi.”

He met her eyes, the bass of the music in the room felt through the floor and vibrating faintly in the air, the smell of sweat and alcohol,of too many perfumes and smoke he choose not to identify swirling around them, he looked affronted and mildly miserable, she looked like she thought he was the most pathetic lifeform she’d ever see. He looked away first.

“So jump your Commander, he obviously wants yo-”

He cut her off, because of course he did “I can’t make a move on Cody or  _ any _ of the men under my direct command Nahrvi, it’s a violation of regulations and more importantly” He waved his half full -how many was this now?- glass elegantly through the air, “They don’t have any legal or official channel to complain through if I make them uncomfortable. He literally could not legally say no” Ben looked disgusted. Which. Fair, the Republic was really digging it’s way deeper into a shit hole with the situation of their army the longer this whole karking war went on, but Ben could hardly do anything about that, she knew enough about his job by now to know that much. “I am shirtless and grappling with them on a near daily basis and I think I heard Bones yelling at some of the Shinies about chafing last week but none of them will say  _ anything _ directly to me” He had the tone of man condemned to execution as he bitched about the dozens of ridiculously hot men who were blatantly interested in him and she remembered why their friendship worked so well when they saw each other in person so little.

“I should cut you off for complaining about this,” she told him seriously.

“I’m a paying customer”

“You’re a horny dumbass” she refuted “did they seriously break your shower on purpose?”

He shook his head mournfully, recrossing his legs and gazing into the middle distance dramatically “Not that I can prove, and the first time, probably not, but they certainly made sure not to fix it on purpose and I don’t  _ think  _ it was spite or because I upset anyone” he said thoughtfully.

Sure. It could be ever have been spite and not a battalion of men as ridiculous and infatuated as the one in front of her. Nahrvi needed to start dating again, if Obi-Wan Kenobi could meet an entire battalion (army? How many clones had a crush on this moron, did he have a crush on? She refused to ask) full of people he was compatible with, she could find a girlfriend. There would surely be less shenanigans and explosions involved, and they’d definitely sort their shit out sooner, it’d be hard not to.

Obi-Wan was still drinking, though he wasn’t to the point where he was treating his glass like he was doing shots, so presumably he wasn’t really feeling too angsty tonight, and just wanted to pout because he wasn’t getting laid. Even if he was the one stopping himself, in her opinion. She should probably try to convince him to just kriffing talk to the other men about their feelings like adults, or try to get actual useful information about the war effort out of him, which she’d probably do later but…

“Please tell me you’re not the only one shirtless when you’re sparring?” Everything else could wait a bit while she made sure she could make fun of her friend as accurately as possible.

**Author's Note:**

> About three paragraphs into this it occured to me that it would make more sense to write about Obi-Wan talking to Quinlan or Luminara or Bail or any other canon character who could be a friend of his?? But than I'd have to get worried about getting their voice right so nevermind. Who's to say that he can't have a few non-jedi friends across the galaxy that he keep up with? he's friend shaped! If anyone sees any glaring errors that I missed and wants to let me know i'd appriciate it. Please be nice.  
> Obi-Wan's the one who's (getting) drunk, and jedi aren't paid at all, Nahrvi probably is paid pretty dang well tbh? but not in Spirit.


End file.
